Tuesday, September 14, 2010

If I Were A Moose And You Were A Cow, Would You Love Me Anyhow?

This is the Hugag.  It is a Fearsome Critter.

This is a moose.  It is also a Fearsome Critter.

There are few animals that, when I go to the zoo, I can look at from the outside and still truly know their awesome might.  One is elephants.  Another is bears.  And the moose.  Obviously.

I don't know what I'd do if I ever saw a moose in real life.  Lie down and wait for death, I suppose.  They can run up to 35 miles an hour.  Top human speed ever recorded is 30 miles an hour, but the average is only 11.  I'm... not top human.  I'm barely even average human.  There's no way I'm ever outrunning a moose.   

You might think it's silly to be afraid of something as goofy looking as a moose, but the people who spend their lives around them say that they can be more dangerous than bears.  I'll repeat that: MORE DANGEROUS THAN BEARS.  More people are killed or injured by a moose than by brown bears and black bears combined.  I imagine they all start like this:

"Hallo, Moose!  Moose, you are so big and warm and fluffy.  I just want to hug you forevOHNOGODWHY!"   

Easy precaution there, though.  Always resist the urge to hug a moose.  Fear the moose, respect the moose, and we all might get out of this alive.

That's an electric fence with a sprinkler on top.  

That's a moose lying next to a waterlogged electric fence.  Does it care?  No.  Why should it?  IT'S A MOOSE.

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